Yes Kelly, You Are Making Progress

    Remember the first pics posted for the room that must not be entered?

This is what the room looks like today:

Or this angle:

















There is a floor showing and walls!  You are making great progress.

Phone Wallpaper

Last June I took a driving trip from New Mexico to Portland Oregon, south through California and back to New Mexico.  I really loved my walks in the redwood groves of California.  I took many pictures, but had to push the ASA to 1600 and 3200 to get a light reading.  This results in very grainy pictures.  Next time I'll bring a tripod.

However, the other day I came across those pictures and decided to put one on my phone as wallpaper.  I really like the results.  So an image that isn't good for printing or stock photography looks great on the phone.

You are more than welcome to download and use it on your phone if you like.

Craig's List and Safety

   A few days ago I listed my 2012 Honda Insight for sale.  I got a response quicker than I expected, but it didn't feel right.  The person went on about scams and wanting to avoid them, but didn't want to use an electronic payment system.  He also didn't like the Craigslist email system and asked that I respond to his email.  His email address was hosted by a known spamming service and was registered to a Latin American express shipping service.  He offered cash.  Cash is the hook.
   I responded from a throw away email address that I understood about scams and that we are fortunate to live near Virginia Beach where people can use the police station lobbies for completing transactions.  I offered to meet him at anyone of the Virginia Beach police precincts.  No response.
   If a response doesn't sound right, trust your instincts.  Check with your local police station and see if they are willing to provide the meeting location for your higher price transactions.  Just because they haven't advertised the service, doesn't mean they won't be open to it.

An Update, Books, and Motivating Me

After a few days short of about a weeks worth of unexpected but necessary rest, I am once again ready to approach downsizing.

This week I am striving to downgrade my white
tornado approach and behave more like the tortoise.

Inch by inch it's a cinch.

This week also found our renters in need of another month living here so that the repairs underway in their new home can be completed before closing.

They are good friends and good company.  I am relieved to have a reprieve not of my own making.  It's an extension of time, granted by circumstances.

While Paul is painting the trim around the fire place, I am sorting through books.

Books are my friends, and I will dearly miss their presence. Many of these books haven't seen a shelf in years, as they've been living in boxes.
Why?
They've been waiting for the mission style book shelves to be built in the room that was once a formal dining area.  We are selling the house and I am leaving the dream of the books on the built by me bookshelves behind.  Today I am going through the books and removing personal items, book marks, money, notes, and receipts.  I am deciding as I go where the many books will go, and I find a pleasure in doing so.

Who will make the best use of the shelf of Harley Davidson and Motorcycle books?  Who will want the cookbooks that date back to the 60's and 70's?  Who will appreciate the shelf of books on marketing and sales?

The books that I am leaving with others are books that I hope will be put to good use.  This appeals to that basic practical need I have to help others help themselves.   It's good  for me to find happiness and satisfaction during this process.   While many of the remaining books are likely to end up in recycling bin, I will donate to the local  charities and see if they have any luck reselling from their shelves and let that decision belong to some one in the future.

After a few hours of handling books, I realize I have picked up and set back down on the shelf the same book.  Three times.  I am aware that I am tired and distracted and not making progress.

I now take this as a sign to either take a break, rest, or refocus.   Or all of the above!

To refocus, I like to get online and read motivating articles that inspire me to keep moving.

This article takes it a step further than I am willing to go by asking that you write down everything that you own, then calculate it's value or cost, then sort your belongings by Need, Sometimes Need, Want, and Crap.
The author then recommends that you take photos of the four different stacks, and review the cost in time and dollars of the crap stack (pile).   It's a method that can be used to change the way we think about the way we buy our stuff.

I'm all for redesigning the programming in between the ears in order to live a leaner, cleaner life.  I find that having a full time retail with long hours job was (I left work last October) a huge distraction from thinking about purchases.

I  realize that I purchased many things not because I needed them, but because, as this article suggests, I was using many a purchase as a way to fill my unmet need for time out with friends, time to have fun, time in the garden, time for reflection and time for my spiritual life.  

The effort to refocus has inspired me to take the rest a step further.  I invite my husband to a nap.

A nap will allow the brain to cogitate on the next few hours of book sorting.

By the time we wake up, it will be nearly time to open a bottle of wine.

Effort, Reward, Rest, Repeat.

Pets - what to do?

   When Kelly and I married we became a blended family.  She was a dog owner and I a cat owner.  Now we both want to travel, but don't want to leave the pets behind.  This creates some interesting problems or concerns.
   While Trinity, my cat, did fairly well on the trip from NM to VA, she isn't in love with travel.  Lokki, Kelly's dog, loves to ride in the car and will probably love traveling.  However, we have not had both in the car at the same time.  They get along fine in the house, but how will they do in the confined space of the car?  Do we leave Trinity in her cage and give Lokki free reign?  Do we let them both out in the car?

   Once we sell the VA home we will be traveling with both in the car.  It may be a straight trip to NM over four days or it may be late enough in the year that we go to Indianapolis for my niece's graduation from Med School and then see other family in the Midwest.  If we do that, the pets could be traveling for closer to three or four weeks.  How frazzled will Trinity be then?  Will she adjust or go and hide each morning?
    When we are settled, whether that is in NM or some other state, what do we do when we start to travel in earnest?  Do we take Lokki with and leave Trinity behind?  Do we leave them both behind and find a good pet sitter?
    We hope to travel on military Space A flights.  If we do that, we can't bring the pets.  Do we take a number of shorter Space A flights to find our next place to live?  Then pay the high US Carrier fees so we can bring our pets with us for a much longer stay?
    What do we do for Lokki when we are in my condo in N.M.?  Here he is used to a fenced yard and we can just let him out to do his business.  I don't have a yard and the nearest grass will require us to put Lokki on a leash and walk him.  If we put a gate on my little courtyard will Lokki get used to doing his business on pebbles and mulch?
    So many questions that need to be answered.  Perhaps the first step will be to take Lokki and Trinity for a ride one of these days.  

Ring of Fire - and It Burns Burns Burns

I'm a fan of the music of Johnny Cash.

This song has a different meaning to me than one might expect.  

This post has nothing to do with downsizing, or travel, or food allergies.

 This post is about the fact that I am not getting much done more days than I would like because of the impact of living life with a Ring of Fire.

 In January of 2012, an Oncology Nurse shared with me that I had made the decision to save my life by electing to have a bi-lateral mastectomy to remove breast cancer.  

An Oncology doctor later advised that I had dodged a bullet and didn't need chemo or radiation.

Happy Dance!

While I do not recall any medical professional advising me that I would be entering the world of chronic pain following surgery, perhaps one Doctor or Nurse did advise me of this possibility?  Perhaps they did not know I would soon be an unlucky member of the iron bra ring of fire club following surgery.



The tissue expansion and breast reconstruction process began in January and ended in September of 2012.  

I was often assured during the process, that once the tissue expanders were replaced with permanent implants, the pain would subside.

The burning sensation and sense of wearing an iron bra rolled in glass shards hasn't resolved.

It's steadily there.  I've adjusted to it's steadily being there.

Most mornings I mentally work on pain gating before we get out of bed, and this helps me to get on with the activities of the day.  Most days, I can engage in a life I enjoy.  Most days, the pain and I get along.


Recently, I decided to paint the walls on each side of the fireplace.   It was a small job.   I wanted to do it, and I made a good start.  My will is strong.  The burning ring of fire burned higher than my will.   Thankfully, a close friend finished the painting and it  looks great.


Recognizing that I am not capable of doing the same things I could do so easily before the surgery isn't happening.  Not quickly, not easily.

This past weekend and again about two weeks ago, the burning ring of fire around my rib cage kept me from fully engaging in life for a few days at a time.

The ring of fire is relentless and it burns, burns, burns.   Did I do too much?  Not enough exercise? Did I eat or drink something my body is allergic to?   Are the implants encapsulating?   It hurts too much to think it all through.

Yesterday I slept for most of the day.  I am thankful for an understanding spouse.  I am thankful I can sleep through most of the pain.  I wish I could sleep it off and not have the experience of this pain at all any more ever.

Today it Hurts.  To breathe, and to move.  Contact with clothing feels like wool over sunburned skin.

Today is a better day than yesterday.  I am ready for a reprieve from this burning ring of fire.  I'm feeling limited.  I get up to refill my coffee mug.  Every movement hurts.   My amazing husband pours me the coffee.
Is there an approach that will be effective so that I can get some things done today?   Ouch.   This is not my idea of taking a break!

I only want to find respite.  Oh, I want it All.  I also want to maintain clarity of thought.   Pain meds aren't kind to my thought processes.  I skip the meds and hope.

      I recall the Oncology Nurse's words - you saved your life and you don't have cancer any more.

I hope to get in a walk with my husband.  I hope the sun shines.  I hope to be distracted.

I hope it calms down to a tolerable level soon.

I hope.

The Way We Were

Memories.  I've been sorting through boxes of mementos this week, and a lot of memories come to mind.  There is this collection of evidence of my life on this planet.  A member of this tribe, in this space suit. Evidence of a living, breathing existence from 1962 through to today.

I really don't remember ever intentionally having it in my mind to save so many sentimental things.

I'm not a scrap book fan.   I don't have any photo albums of my past to speak of.   I've not ever organized my photos or memories into anything structured.  These boxes of mementos and photos are untidy, unstructured, and unorganized.   Each box seems to house a collection of roughly five years of my life.

There is a diary that I've kept off and on since I was 15.  This is destined for the shred pile along with most of the rest of the many letters, notes, and post cards.  I review a few paragraphs then toss these things into the recycle box.

For a few days I yearn to pull the diary back out of the box.  I thoughtfully consider the reasons I imagine are important enough to warrant keeping the diary.  Ultimately, I leave the diary in the shred pile and stack more tax records from last century on top.  The urge lessens, but doesn't disappear.

Why toss it all now?  Mainly because I don't want to use up today and tomorrow reliving yesterday.  The more I keep now, the more often I will handle these many things tomorrow.

Why did I keep so many photographs, cookbooks, recipes, letters sent and received, holiday letters, concert tickets, broadway tickets, playbills, photographs, airplane stubs, train tickets and so on?  

Even as I sort through these things today, I find some items are easy decisions to toss aside.   Off they go into the recycle bin, or shred bin, or trash bin.

Other items I think may perhaps be of value to the offspring.  Photos taken in their youth, clever letters from admiring classmates, notes of encouragement from grandparents.   I set these things aside and allow them to decide on their own if they want to keep or to get rid of.

Each day there seem to be a few items I think I want to keep.  Each evening I review these items, and it seems the collection multiplies to many more items.   It is time to rest and reflect.

It is the love expressed by an ancestor that is shared in a card, a bookmark, a letter, a gift, or a photo that hooks me, keeps me holding onto the paper, the photo, the card, the book.   Holding on doesn't bring them back, and it doesn't extend my life.  Still, the yearning to cling continues to reverberate on a low hum.

I dig through some more boxes.
The past 40 years documented in letters, post cards, and photos, journal entries.  Wow.  The dialogue in my head goes something like this:

Do I preserve these things for my offspring? or let it go now so they are left unencumbered by history?

Let them pave their own way fresh and clear of any trauma I experienced here or there. Even in the boxes of happy memories there are some difficult and challenging times.  Will it help them to know?

Let them find their own resiliency and make their way.


Like time capsules, these many memories activate emotions when I read a page of handwritten diary entries or letters to and from important people in my life.  Feelings put to paper so long ago.  Expressions of my own angst, confidence, frustration, joy, need, love, experience, desire, growth, expectation, happiness.

All standard issue events, emotions, experiences of ones life.   My Life.

These experiences brought me here, sorting through boxes in my middle age.

Some experiences remain too painful to relive.  Shred and move on.

I give thanks and acknowledge that there is a great deal to live for today.

I really don't believe it will matter to any one else but me in the long run, what stays and what goes.
Is it selfish to think that the contents only speak to me?  To any one else, it's fit for the burn barrel.

This sentiment ought to make it easier to let it all go to the recycling bin.  It likely will end up there after all.  Why not let it be me in charge of getting it done now?

The idea that some remnant will remain and have a positive impact for some one else keeps me from chucking it all down to the bottom of the silo at once.

But.  Doesn't it all eventually arrive there anyway?

Finally, I decide to refocus.  To reconsider the goal.

Downsizing.  Living with less.

Why?  There is only enough time to do what We love.  

Read, travel, shop for and prepare delightful meals.  Drink Wine.  Walk and Ride.

Enjoy the company of family and friends.

Live a little.  

Why I Don't Buy Lottery Tickets

   I know this is a bit off topic, but for some reason the lottery, Powerball in particular, has come up in conversation a few times.  I don't mind fantasizing about what I would do with the money, but you have to play to win.
   I have never felt that playing the lottery was a good use of my money.  I have bought a few tickets over the last 20 years, but probably less than 10.  Usually it was when everyone else was buying due to the crazy amount of money in the jackpot.
   I ran a few numbers that explain my view as to why it is foolish to play.  Assume the average person spends $20 per week on lottery tickets.  Here is the 10 year total spend, with the addition of $1,000 in the first year which I'll explain in a bit.

1	$2,040.00
2	$3,080.00
3	$4,120.00
4	$5,160.00
5	$6,200.00
6	$7,240.00
7	$8,280.00
8	$9,320.00
9	$10,360.00
10	$11,400.00

   A conservative estimate for market return is %6, some models use 7 or 8%, but here are the numbers for your return from the same money above invested in an index fund with all returns automatically reinvested.

$2,162.40
$3,332.14
$4,572.07
$5,886.40
$7,279.58
$8,756.36
$10,321.74
$11,981.04
$13,739.90
$15,604.30

   Here are the numbers again, but at 7.5 percent, which is the average return of two basic stock index funds.

$2,193.00
$4,397.48
$6,767.29
$9,314.83
$12,053.44
$14,997.45
$18,162.26
$21,564.43
$25,221.76
$29,153.40

  Note that the lottery ticket buyer has spent $11,400 over the 10 years.  Had the money been invested at a conservative 6% they would have and additional $4,204 in the account.  And if the return was 7.5% the money spent would be more than doubled, earning $17,753.

   So, what about that additional $1,000?  Most funds require a minimum to start.  T. Rowe Price index funds require $2,500 to open an account, but that is reduced to $1,000 if you open an IRA account.  Vanguard has a $3,000 minimum.

Here are actual 10 year returns on some Index funds:

T. Rowe Price

Equity Index 500	7.40%
Extended Equity Indx	9.25%
Total Equity Indx	7.93%

Vanguard

500 Index	7.87%
Growth Index	9.21%
Total Stock Market Indx	8.36%

   So, what happens if you just invest $20 a week for 40 years?  A typical work life. At 6% return you would have $171,843 and at 7.5% you would have $466,171.  So, whether you buy lottery tickets or not, isn't it worth your time to start investing $20 a week?  Index funds are perhaps the easiest to get into and have low fees for marketing and management.

Eating Dessert First

Paul recently reminded me that our Blog is also set up for discussion of food.

Today, I will share a recipe for what was a successful hit after dinner last week.  

We sat down and enjoyed dinner with friends, and then we consumed the entire 9x9 pan of these yummies .  Yes, the entire Pan. 

 Between the four of us, I suppose that wasn't a lot of dessert, but it means this recipe definitely demands a repeat performance.

Gluten Free, Soy Free, Dairy Free, Egg Free.

Warning: Contains Sugar!

Adapted from Enjoy Life Decadent Blondies recipe 

1 Cup plus 1 TBsp Gluten Free Flour Blend (I used Bob's Red Mill)

1/4 tsp Xantham Gum

1/2 tsp Baking Soda (I used aluminum free)

1/4 tsp Gluten Free Baking Powder

1/2 tsp Salt

1/3 Cup Grapeseed oil - (I used equal parts Coconut Oil, Earth Balance Buttery Blend and Ghee)

1 C firmly packed golden brown sugar

1 T Vanilla Extract (I used 1T of Vanilla and 1T of Bourbon)

1 C Enjoy Life Semi Sweet Chocolate Chips Mega Chunks (I used 1 and 1/4 C Mega and mini chips)
These are soy free (no soy lecithin) which is on my list of food intolerances.  If you aren't sensitive to soy, any chocolate chips will do.

Flax Gel (1/3 C warm water 2 T finely ground flax)  (I used white chia seed and warm water)

Preheat oven to 350

Prepare a 9inch square baking pan with parchment or non stick spray (I do not use non stick, I used vegetable oil) 

Melt oil in small glass measuring cup in microwave

Set aside with Flax / Chia gell - to make gel, add warm water to seed and let set for five minutes

In food processor (or separate large bowl) combine flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt

Pulse a few times in processor.

Add brown sugar to oil, mix until uniform.  I put the brown sugar into the food processor, then drizzled the melted oils while pulsing the processor.

Combine flour with wet ingredients and mix until well incorporated.
Stir in chocolate bits.  I dumped the mega and mini chips into the processor and pulsed a few more times.

Pour batter into pan, press evenly.

Bake for 20 - 22 minutes at 350 or until golden brown.  Cool for 20 minutes, cut and serve.

My preparation of this recipe required an additional 20 minutes of baking time, for a total of 40 minutes in the oven in order for the toothpick to pull clean from the bars.   Worth The Wait.

I'll update/edit this post if the next batch requires any substantial revisions.

What's For Sale?

The choices seem abundant to me.  At the outset of unhitching the wagon with all of it's gear, as in downsizing in order to combine/reduce two households into one, it's obvious to me that there is still use in many of the things I currently own.

Off they must go, to some one, some where,  out there.

Sell it on ebay for a fee, or list it no fee on craigslist?

List on Amazon, Donate to Habitat for Humanity?

Give to family and friends?

We listed a few things on Craigslist.  One item sold, and we received another offer at 50% of what we are asking.  We decided to keep that item, the treadmill, while it is 19 degrees outside and continue to walk on it for a couple of more weeks before we accept the lower offer.

Yesterday one side of my closet (work clothes accumulated over the last five years) went from being part of my wardrobe to belonging to some one else's wardrobe.

It felt good to get things moving on out, but part of me wondered, ought I have made more of an effort to market those wares on craigslist to the highest bidder?

In so many ways, there is such an abundance in my life, that I've never had any trouble sharing freely with those around me.  


Putting things in order, where they belong, or with whom they belong, seems to be the easiest way for me to approach this endeavor.  Selling things makes sense in some categories.  The motorcycles.  The cars. The power tools.  The big screen tv, the living room furniture.

I've never really been the one to put on a yard sale, or list more than a few things on ebay at a time.   I need that friend or relative who loves to put on a yard sale from dawn to noon.  Gack.

    Perhaps if I approach this effort to reduce like an income producing opportunity then I might find the motivation to host a yard sale?  On this gray an gloomy cold wet sleet filled day, Oh Bother!....this seems the only fit response.

Winter will soon give way to spring, and then, maybe then, I will possess the energy and motivation to move in that direction.

The more I think about it, though, the more I think a phone call to one of the several charities in the area will allow for a large donation pick up.

This approach may not net much cash in the back pocket.  It will help others in the community, and it will keep this downsizing project moving forward, and it is still tax deductible to donate household goods.

      Hmmmmm.  

Paper Work - To Keep, Shred, or Recycle?

Paperwork.

There is evidence of an ongoing effort to organize paperwork.  There are times, in the past, when I sat down and made the attempt to tame the talking papers.    Put them all in a row, like ducks.  Ha!

Even if the effort to organize was accomplished in fits and starts, as I sort through the drawers and boxes of papers from yesteryear, I am amazed at the number of file folders for each year simply labeled "To File".  

Fortunately, during the effort to move through the piles of files, I've discovered the title to the Mustang, the registrations for the trailer (since sold), the Motorcycle (still have to put up for sale), and some other documents relevant to 2015. 

I've also discovered manuals for other items we plan to sell online, and receipts which will help me set a selling price.  The nice thing about having these things fairly organized is that when I find that one valuable folder, a few more pleasant surprises are usually tucked away in the same place.  

I'd love (capital letters love) to bring zero paperwork with Us when we move out west.  I fancy the idea of scanning everything that isn't legally required to be an original.  Would my electronic filing system be any better organized than the hanging file folder in a two drawer cabinet system?  

One of the benefits of living in Portsmouth, VA, is that the city recently adopted a recycling program once again.  Thankfully they pick up every other week.  Since the program began, we have rarely had more than one or two bags of household trash for weekly pick up.  Not bad for a house hold of four adults and two pets.  

The amount we collect to put into the recycle bin has often exceeded the capacity of the recycling container. Those are the times we've resorted to filling up the unused space in one or more of the recycling buckets at a neighbors.  

It's convenient to have curb side pick up.  It isn't, however, safe to throw every document into the recycling bucket.

There are no security measures for the papers tossed into the recycle bin.  Meaning, any one can grab the papers any where along the way from the time I pull the bucket curbside to the time it is recycled at the SPSA plant.  

So, when there is any identification whatsoever, a name, an address, an account number, a phone number, then the document gets tossed over to the shred box.  If the document doesn't contain identification, but is personal in nature, it gets put into the same place.  Everything else gets a toss over to the recycling bin.   

In two weeks time, the box of papers to shred is now overflowing.  It is a relief to get out of the house straight away those papers that can be recycled and picked up like clockwork every two weeks.  Either way, It's visible progress.  

There are days when it seems that this downsizing project is going on for far longer than I'd imagined it would, but then, there are days when I realize that, like today's date, March 4th, there is momentum and forward movement.  I am happy to refocus on the effort to downsize when I can, and take breaks as long as I need to.  

Two important things to remember.  Keep moving things out of the house as often and as quickly as possible.  The open space inspires the desire for more open space.  

There is art in an open space.