Guru Advice, of dreams, grief ~ and Moving on

In general, the advice of the downsizing throngs consistently preaches these principles:

1.  Sort - decide what to donate, to sell, to throw out, to keep and to provide a home all it's own.  A putting place.
2.  Ask - Does it make me smile or bring me joy?  Does it bring a bad memory?
3.  Ask - Do I have more than one?  (I have nearly two of everything my friends joke)
4.  Ask - Have I used this in the last ....... (times vary according to author) six months, year?
5.  Set a timer and Unclutter for at least 15 minutes a day with a vision in mind (making it easier to get ready to have company over? moving out?)



Marie Kondo recommends sorting by categories.  It's a smart idea.  Begin with Clothes, move on to books, toiletries, save memories such as photos and letters for last or you'll get hung up and stall out.

She states that when we hang on to things we do not need or use, we have an attachment to the past we need to let go of, or we keep these things for stability in the future, or a combination of the two.  I also believe that the more time I spend on yesterday's stuff, the less time I have to enjoy what I really really want to do today.

Having said that, Kondo's approach grows more appealing in my daily search for motivation.  It's her work on downsizing that I continue to return to when I find my self in a holding pattern that doesn't seem to move me toward the goal of putting the house on the market quite as soon as I think I want to.

Kondo recommends taking everything from every room in the house of today's category and putting it in one place.  All at the same time.   Oh, and begin first thing in the morning, when there is quiet.

I don't know about you, but it's a challenge to put ALL of any category in one place here at this house.

For example, Books.  There are beyond many books in my inventory of books that I've collected since childhood.   To make it manageable for me, I've modified the approach to put all cookbooks together and work through them.  Followed by all motorcycle books, then all books from the 1900's, Repair and Home Building guides, and so on.

Kondo recommends holding each item to check for the experience of Hall of Fame level Joy.  If it's there, keep the book.  If not, the book is released to bring some one else joy.   She states that your body will 'know'.

The camping gear is another category I found challenging to put all together, as some items that get regular use outside of camping take year round residence in the house.  There are soft coolers, hard coolers, large coolers, small coolers.

We pack food everywhere we go, so this isn't unusual.  There are also camping items in the shed, but it's simply too cold outside to go into the shed, and there is plenty yet to do in the house.  The camping category receives a stay.

What I've experienced over the last month or so of sorting through the last 30 years of my life is that when it comes to the things I have no attachment to, it's pretty easy to donate, sell, share, or put in the garbage.

When I come across the things I have an attachment to, I experience a twinge, a pull at the heart strings, a dream of what once was or of what could have been.

Today (April 3, 2015) I opened a letter from 25 years ago.

And I stalled.

Instead, I rested.  I cleaned, I cooked, I did laundry.  I avoided the task of sorting until the grief and I came to terms.  I spent time online searching for more advice, ideas, methods, and encouragement.  I picked up the downsizing banner again four days later.

I do think that if I had stayed the course as Kondo recommends, simply stick with all of the lesser categories of clothes, books, toiletries, tools, and so on, before tackling the big box of memories, I might have stayed truer to the course.  

Each day is a fresh start.  I will follow her advice which states that you need to hone your Joy detector in other categories before you will acquire the strength to tackle memories, letters, and photos.

This is, by any measure, mentally taxing work!  Perhaps if it wasn't "MY" stuff, I'd find it easier?

For the sake of my own accountability, these are the three next categories:

Winter clothes
Blankets and Bedding
Motorcycle Leathers and Gear

Wish me Luck!

April Already

   We had hoped to have the house on the market early this month. I know it won't be early, but it may be this month. We are making progress, but just not as quickly as we thought. Kelly has gotten through all the papers that need to be shredded and is now going through photos. Some she takes a picture of and posts them to Facebook. Her relatives are having a grand time with all the old photos.
   She plans to scan and toss, or scan and give photos to the appropriate relative. Her plan is to not bring any photos with her. I'm not sure about that. I think of the bookcase full of photo albums that Laura put together when she was alive and I'm pretty sure I can't just scan and toss. I think I can send them to a relative to store, but I know that I can't toss them.
   Since it is always good to have a picture in a blog post, here's one she posted of her son Dan. By the way, he is in his 30's now. He's on his grandfather's bike wearing his grandmother's glasses.